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#26
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There is a fancinating review from a ... 'WiredNun' on there.
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#27
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Yeah, I read that, too.
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#28
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Yes, that Wirednun is actually my wife. Shhh. But we share an Amazon account for the family so unless we made up a fakish account for her alone it would have been even sillier. At least this way she disclosed right up front she was my reader.
I'd love to have some reviews from people unrelated to the project - good, bad, or ugly. These first three items I have up there on Amazon are more or less my learning phase. I know there will be some speedbumps, I accept that. I've seen far, far worse on there, though - some truly horrible stuff that looks like it's been written by a 5th grader rejected for the TV show - and so I know mine is not too bad and I'll improve. Self-publishing on KDP was easy. It's harder on CreateSpace, which is Kindle's publish-on-demand hardcopy model - though if you do CreateSpace KDP is a snap. Unfortunately Amazon has separate apps/sections for KDP and CreateSpace and Author central (where you manage your books) - it's all a bit clunky. I've only gone through KDP so far - I'm concentrating on just doing the actual writing. I'm almost done drafting the sequel to Eden Plague, called The Demon Plagues. I'm shooting for 5-6 books a year; I figure at a certain point two things will happen as their curves intersect. One, I'll reach a "high enough" standard of writing, whatever that is. and more importantly two, I'll have enough work out there to develop a self-sustaining following as I add books and series. After the Plagues series I have two series in outline form (dramatis personae, setting, initial story). I'd like to hear what anyone here thinks - as in, what sounds more intersting to you the fanboy or fangirl: One is a sail-and-planet alternate history series. There have been many mostly land/army based books and series like this - Lost Legion, Belisarius, Legion of Videssos, things like that - but none I know of based on the classic age of fighting sail a la Hornblower, Ramage, Aubrey/Maturin. The premise is that a convoy of ships in pirate-ridden waters of the Carribbean around 1820 gets sent to another planet by the obligatory strange electrical storm (see: Islands in the Sea of Time). So you have the classic sea adventure juxtaposed with a sort of Burroughs-like fantasy/low-steampunk, different races and new pulp technologies, etc. Eventually it will actually move into pulp-space (the Aether) flying ships among the moons and planets of the system. The other is a more traditional space opera/space war series, with elements of things like Ender's Game, Honor Harrington, BSG, Berserker, etc. It starts off with the classic "infant human empire runs into the conquering race" trope, finding allies, desperate fights for survival, etc. with a set of 17-year-old twins (boy and girl) as the main characters to start, so we can follow them as young officers as they grow into command of starships, etc. I'm hoping to at least skim some of the young adult market with this, not sure yet. |
#29
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That said, it's not quite what you're planning, and what you are planning interests me a great deal. |
#30
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Okay, one vote for the Sail and Planet. It's actually the one that interests me the most at the moment. I also have a grand dream to write both series then do a crossover of a sort, all kind of fuzzy right now but I can imagine the conversations between the 23rd-century naval officer and his 18th-century counterpart as they visit each others' ships.
"What they hell are they doing?" "An officer and gentleman doesn't use such language on the quarterdeck, Commander. The bosun is preparing to carry out punishment." "Punishment? That man's being tied up there to the structure." "It's called being 'seized to the grate.' He is about to receive twelve lashes for failing to show proper respect." "Lashes? You mean he's going to be flogged? How barbaric! What kind of a navy are you running here, Captain?" "Mind your tone, Commander. How do you punish people in your navy?" "It can range from extra duty, to taking away their pay, to imprisonment." "Taking their pay away? Imprisonment? Depriving him of his hard-earned silver, and the sea and the air and his mates, like a common criminal? How barbaric! What kind of navy do you run back home, Commander? With our way, twelve stripes and he's done, the slate is clean and he learns his lesson. And he's still a useful seaman. Your way and he's useless for the duration. Do you think languishing in irons is likely to make a good sailor of him again? No, sir, your way would not do at all. Imprisonment for a common sailor's offense...dear God, what has the human race become?" The Captain turns to the taffrail, shuddering. Last edited by Wired*Nun; 17th of July, 2012 at 11:37. |
#31
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For anyone who reads e-books via Kindle or Kindle reader (free for your PC) my first novel The Eden Plague is free this upcoming weekend, 25 and 26 August. Just go to Amazon at this link
http://www.amazon.com/Eden-Plague-Wa...dp/B008EMKJ6Q/ on one of those days and download it for free. This coincides with the release of my second novel, The Demon Plagues. http://www.amazon.com/Demon-Plagues-...dp/B008ZUQDPS/ Thanks again for the plot help for those that gave it, and thanks to the admins for running the site that hosted my games for years. - Dave VanDyke |
#32
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So hey, can we co-opt this thread for other writing too? itches did, but that doesn't count.
I've been working on a master's project for the past few months (one reason I've only poked my nose in here a few times). It's gone from the beginnings of a novel to a self-contained short story. It's almost there--especially since the deadline to schedule my defense is coming up in a week or so, and I have to have that done quickly, giving my profs 10 working days to read the last draft and listen to me expound on it. I've posted it up to a page on a disused Wordpress blog I have laying around. I'd appreciate any feedback (here, or I think comments can be made on the page itself). Things I'm particularly looking for: -Plot and pacing issues. -Characterization; how does everyone come through? Are there still too many people in this story? -Protagonist's POV: Working? Where is it strong, where is it weak? -Poke at basic grammar, word choice, sentence construction, any confusing bits. I've been working on that, but with constant editing and revising, I'm bound to have missed things. -Is it an actually enjoyable story, flaws aside? It's currently around 8,800 words (or, in MS Word, 30 pgs double spaced, 12 pt Times New Roman font, 1 in margins). I want to keep it around that length, if not a tad shorter. One of the criteria is that it should be of sellable length, and right now it's on the long side of short story. I'm not looking for in depth literary criticism (though that could be cool) or professional copy editing (again, handy if someone does know it), but feedback from someone outside myself and my committee would be useful, I think, to see how it works (or doesn't) and what can be altered to actually appeal to casual readers. Last edited by LynMars; 25th of October, 2012 at 01:12. |
#33
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I went to that link, I printed it out and read it on the train yesterday and today while I thought some thoughts.
Then I went and left it on my desk at work, so no feedback from me.
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#34
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I always feel bad when I provide creative feedback for someone. It's like I'm telling someone that that they suck, and then going on to provide reasons why. So anyway, this may be too late to be of any help to you, and it's not too involved (I didn't feel like moving it to a word doc and adding notes) but it's going here anyway.
Overall it isn't bad, you have a decent setting and go about revealing the world in way that doesn't frustrate or confuse the reader. What's more, until the very end of it, you have an engaging plot. The plot is the most important thing, so long as the reader wants to find out what happens next a lot can be forgiven. For the most part your characters seem consistent and are easy to tell apart. Decker does seem like a bit of a dick at the end, compare to Dr Sims seeming to be saintly. Decker barking threats while Sims heals everyone is what pushes it that way. And the issue of Jon deciding to shoot some random girl isn't really addressed, it doesn't need to be addressed but it would be nice if the fact that it wasn't was lampshaded. Also you need to scrap Dr White. She comes into the story at the 11th hour, doesn't contribute anything and then is gone again, which only makes for one more character that the reader has to keep track of. Sims also comes in late, but he has an entrance via Korett and actually does something. And it does become a bit fragmented and obscure towards the end, as seen in the confusing mess of notes. The only other thing is the way you make a lot of short, blunt, statement sentences. There are examples in the mess
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#35
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[pretend there is a spoiler button here]
[/pretend there is a spoiler button here]
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#36
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You caught some things my other proofreader didn't, and made some other suggestions. Thanks. it's still relevant enough, as I'm panicking about this and it's making it hard to finish. Which it needs to, this week, the sooner the better.
It feels like the more I revise and the more I write, the worse it gets, when it should be smoothing out. At least this is almost over and I can stop pretending I'm a writer soon >.> |
#37
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My comments should be taken with the understanding that my highest level of education was a decade ago when I failed highschool. Twice.
But no time for that, you have a week? PANIC HARDER! ![]()
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#38
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I think it's time to stop on this one. I'm calling it good and sending it in and scheduling my defense. Thanks for the input itches, you caught some things my other proofreaders caught and agreed on, and saw other things they missed.
I've updated the version on my page, so you can take a look to see what it looks like with 3 fewer characters and about 1,000 fewer words (at least 5 pgs slimmer). My other proofreader was big on trying to kill my passive voice and excessive pronouns. I didn't take every single suggestion thrown at me, but quite a lot were implemented. |
#39
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__________________
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#40
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Pronoun: He/him/her/she/it/this/who/these/them and so on. "Used as replacements or substitutes for nouns and noun phrases, and that have a very general reference."
For some reason, I was using a lot of passive voice + pronouns in that previous draft. probably all the editing. |
#41
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Wow, nice hijack Lyn! It's what I get for leaving for so long,
![]() Just thought I'd drop in and say hello. Hello. And let everyone know I have published the third novel in my sci-fi series. Here's the link to my Amazon author page, http://www.amazon.com/David-VanDyke/e/B008EZHPC4/ You can see all the books from there, and there are links to my blog etc. if anyone's interested. If you e-mail me at my website address, dave(at)davidvandyke.org I will send anyone here free review copies, so don't feel you have to buy any of them. Cheers! Last edited by Wired*Nun; 30th of November, 2012 at 13:55. |
#42
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Any plans to actually get it on paper at some point?
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#43
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But you can get the Kindle Reader for your PC from Amazon for free, to read ebooks. |
#44
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Okay I need help. I'm trying to describe this dress and failing. My first attempt to do so was such a jumbled mess that even someone who know what I was describing got confused.
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#45
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1950's style women's kitchen wear. The kind of thing that Mrs. Cleaver would wear while baking pies for Wally and the Beaver.
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#46
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That's a list of names I don't recognise.
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#47
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Can you just go with '50s house dress?
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Ewan: Tell me, when you drove up, did you see a sign outside that said "dead ninja storage?" Kat: No, I didn't... Ewan: Do you wanna know why I don't have a sign like that? Because storing dead ninjas, isn't my business! |
#48
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1950's tv show called "Leave it to Beaver." Google is your friend.
Edit - How about Stepford Wives? Last edited by Mercutio; 11th of December, 2012 at 08:42. |
#49
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itches your ignorance of western culture is appalling.
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#50
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__________________
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